then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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