Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize