I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
