is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
