Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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