remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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