I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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