Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
