Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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