my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
