This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
