A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Me too!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
