I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
