grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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