so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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