question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
