It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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