so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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