Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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