Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
