am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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