I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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