and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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