the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
