Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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