I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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