I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
