She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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