Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
