Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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