I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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