The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
