Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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