Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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