i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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