i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
