I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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