her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
