dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
