her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
