She's JV to your varsity
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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