I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
