i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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