Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
