I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
