He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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