the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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