i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
