We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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