I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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