honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
