I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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