you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
