I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
