Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
