If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
