We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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