i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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