Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
