Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
