man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
