Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
