Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
