Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
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I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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