Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
