Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
