Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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