Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
