she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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