you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
try to milk me bitch
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
