Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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