all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
we should paint friendship bongs
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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