I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just had sex bonerless
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
