So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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