I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
