I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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