i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
